No way!
by Force-A-Pancakes
Summary: The Fuhrer is holding a memorial service for all soldiers who died in the past year, and everyone must be in full uniform. Fortunately for Ed, Mustang agrees to lend him one of his own, but the Colonel has more planned than an easy come-and-go collection.
1. Full Uniform

"...And as such, all personel will obviously be required to wear full uniform for the event." the Fuhrer finished, with his imminent crinkly smile.

"Shit..." Edward muttered quietly

"Brother!" hissed the huge suit of armour next to him which, unbelievable as it seemed, was his younger brother, Alphonse.

"Sorry..." Ed replied with a sigh. As King Bradley and his secretary left, the other employees gradually began to disperse from the hall, idly chattering away. The Elrics followed suit.

"Brother, I don't like you using that kind of language around everyone. It's a bad habit. Ever since Mom died, you've been swearing nonstop because she isn't here to tell you not to." Alphonse scolded.

"Sorry Al." Ed apologized "I was in a flap 'cause I don't have a uniform. Colonel Bastard SAID I wouldn't need one because I'm based in the field and not the office."

"How about you use your research fund to buy one?" Al suggested

"No that's mainly for you, I only use it for myself if I need to. I'm saving it so you can buy a house and get set up once we get your body back." Ed stated.

"Brother..."

"Oh, dont worry!" Ed flapped, concerned that his little brother was unsatisfied with the suggestion "You can live in Resembool with Winry... or with Rose in Lior! Or how about we check where Fletcher got to, you were pretty good friends with him, right? Or--"

He was cut off as Al placed a hollow armoured finger over his babbling mouth. Ed's capacious golder eyes traveled up to his sibling's 'face'.

"Ed, you keep trying to sort out a nice future for me, but you're not giving a second thought about yourself!" Alphonse cried. Edward shook his head ruefully.

"I doubt the State would let me slip through it's fingers that easily. I don't think I've got the option to leave."

"No!" Al practically yelled "I wont let them turn you into their slave, Brother!"

"Reality check, Al. They did that back when I was twelve. There's nothing we can do."

"Hang on, Brother, I'm not just going to--"

"Hey!" A deep masculine voice called, stopping Al mid-sentence. Both Elrics turned and when they caught sight of the owner of it, Ed's expression changed to that of someone who had just trodden in something vile. It was Colonel Mustang.


	2. Enter Mustang!

Roy smirked as he strode towards the two brothers. _'Heh.... Ed's angry little pout is so cute…' _he mused to himself.

"What do YOU want?" Ed demanded as soon as Mustang entered his personal bubble "I have rights to space, you know." He huffed, taking a step back.

"Now now, Fullmetal. It's not good for your little face to look like that. It'll get stuck when the wind changes." The Colonel teased.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A BEANSPROUT WITH A FACE THE SIZE OF A PINHEAD!?!? My face looks like this because I hate having to talk to you, you bastard!"

"Ed, please!" Alphonse cried, quickly placing his hand over his older brother's mouth "I'm so sorry, Colonel. Brother is just stressed out because he doesn't have a uniform." Al explained. Ed threw Al's hand from his mouth in fury.

"Al! You weren't supposed to tell _him_ that!" he fumed. Roy's smirk grew even wider.

"No uniform, Fullmetal?" he tutted "What am I to do with you?"

"Shut UP!" Ed cried, "It's your fault that I don't have one anyway!"

"Well I suppose that is partially true…" Mustang thought for a moment "I'll tell you what, then. Meet me in my office after work after work is finished. We can go back to my place and you can borrow one of my old ones. Though we'll have a hard time finding one that'll fit…"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO TINY THAT HE CAN ONLY FIT INTO SIZE EXTRA, EXTRA, EXTRA SMALL!?!?"

"Brother!"

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The day went by pretty quickly for Edward. For Mustang, it was more like every minute was an hour. He sighed as he downed yet another glass of whiskey, narrowing his coal black eyes at the clock, as if trying to psychokinetically push the second hand forward.

Forty seconds…

He quickly scribbled his signature on his final piece of paperwork for the day.

Thirty seconds…

He thought of what Hughes would say if he knew how much he had drank today.

Twenty two seconds…

Someone rapped on the door. Roy jumped, but smirked as he realised that Ed was finally here. And a few seconds early, too.

"Come in." He commanded coolly. But he saw not the big, beautiful golden eyes he longed for so badly, but a pair of crystal blue ones and a cigarette.

"Heya, chief!"

'Oh dear God…' ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo **Sorry for the short chappie! Next one will be up soon, hopefully. But no promises, I have a lot of drama stuff on right now. Shouldn't be any more than a week though! By the way, in the last couple of lines, I DIDN'T mean that Mustang is jealous of Ed's eyes, 'cause they are nice. X.X I meant that he wants Ed.** **Oh, and thank you so much to my luuuuuuuurvely reviewers!** **Love you all.** **xxx**


	3. Havoc's reminisce

After a further ten minutes of listening to how Havoc FINALLY managed to bag a girlfriend and his many plans to schmooze her to within an inch of her life, Roy finally snapped. It wasn't really surprising, considering how much he had drank in his boredom and anticipation of the pint-sized blonde's arrival.

"For God's_ sake_ Havoc, I don't care! Nobody does! Just shuuuuut up!" He yelled. Havoc was taken aback for a moment until his eyes swept the surface of the Colonel's desk and narrowed at the sight of all the empty bottles safely hidden from Hawkeye underneath.

"You been drinking, chief?" He asked, a cold edge to his mellow voice.

"What's it to you?" Mustang fired back.

"Nothing. I just don't think Chief Hughes would be too happy." He suggested. Roy gritted his teeth at the idea, but deep down he knew Havoc was right. Maes would be turning in his grave right now. Jean strolled to the door, but paused and turned back to face Roy, his expression grave.

"Colonel. Ed will be here soon. Don't you _dare_ try to pull—" He faltered and shook his head "Look, what I'm trying to say is that drunken stupidity is one of the few things that poor kid hasn't been badly exposed to and forced to handle in his life. Just don't do anything stupid." He sighed, leaving. He took a heavy drag on his ubiquitous cigarette as he walked through to winding corridors _'Am I getting to protective of him?' _he asked himself. Havoc had always thought the little guy needed looking out for. He'd felt strongly that way since Ed was twelve and he'd come back from his first mission without Al.

"_**You're being real quiet back there today chief." Jean laughed as he pulled up outside Central HQ it had been a good 45 minutes and the little alchemist hadn't said a word the entire journey.**_

"_**Chief?" Havoc enquired again. The 2**__**nd**__** lieutenant glanced at his rear view mirror. He raised his eyebrows and felt his heart turn to warm mush. Edward was sleeping. His mouth was slightly open, revealing his straight little white teeth. His golden blonde hair cascaded down his shoulders where it had fallen from the tight braid that it was permanently detained in and his long eyelashes slightly touched the top of his cheeks. Havoc couldn't help but smile as he came round and opened Ed's door. He gently shook his shoulder. Molten honey-amber orbs stared blindly for a moment before being re-covered by his eyelids. Jean sighed and gathered the tiny form in his arms. He was remarkably light, as if all his weight came from his automail. 'He looks so frail and delicate… it's pretty hard to believe he's a human weapon.' He thought, as he gently sat Edward on the bench outside the lobby.**_

"_**Ed? You gotta wake up now Chief, Lieutenant Colonel Mustang wants to see you." He said softly, gently shaking the boy again. Edward groaned and slowly opened his eyes. He was greeted by Havoc's grinning face and a white cloud. 'Oops.' Havoc thought, as he realised he had accidentally been puffing smoke in the Fullmetal Alchemist's face. Ed coughed**_

"_**You shouldn't smoke so much."**_

"_**Sorry Chief." Havoc laughed "I won't do it in your face again."**_

"_**No… I mean you shouldn't smoke 'cause it's bad for you. You'll get lung cancer."**_

Havoc chuckled _'He still hasn't given up on telling me that now. Ed's so patient… except if someone calls him small.'_ He mentally added, picturing Ed's common flamboyant reaction to the word and laughing out lout. _'Speak of the devil…'_

"Hey Jean."

"Oh, hi Ed."

"Is… _he_ in there?" Edward grimaced, gesturing at Mustang's office.

"Yeah." Havoc chuckled. "He 'aint that bad, Chief." He smiled, patting him on the back.

"I beg to differ." The smaller blonde huffed.

"Don't worry, it won't be too long. Oh, but he's a bit tipsy at the moment, careful." Havoc warned, miming taking a sip from a glass.

"Thanks." Ed sighed, heading towards the place he least wanted to go.

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Bwahhh, sorry for the slow update. Now this story could go many ways. We all know what'll happen to Edo. It's just what'll happen afterwards. Whether Mustang's gonna get busted (probably by Havoc or Hawkeye), hold onto Ed once he's sobered up, not able to let him leave 'till he promises he won't snitch…. Or Ed'll snitch. :3 Comment which in your lovely reviews please, and thank you for so many!


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